TIM Health Tips
The world is a tough place to live in. And if you wanta live the way you wanta live–working toward that pigslut merit badge we all covet–you have to be ready for anything.
Part of being ready is keeping yourself and your body as fit and flexible as possible. If you’re going to live the life of a sex-addicted slut (and I do encourage it as a way of life) you’ll want to be around as long as possible to enjoy it all thoroughly.
What do I suggest for taking care of yourself? Well, some of my answers might surprise you, given the fact that around 99% of my life is spent totally engrossed in ruminations or salivations about cocks, men, sex … you get the idea.
Here are the eight steps I’ve come up with for making my life fit to live:
- Friends. Nothing is more important. If you don’t have a few friends and a core circle of guys you can confide in when times are tough (or just shoot the shit with when times are easy and good), then get out there and find them. There are over 4 billion dudes on the planet at this point. You know there’s a bunch of guys out there looking for you, hoping to hang out and relax.
- Culture. You don’t live in a vacuum, and even a sex-hound like myself needs to know about the world he lives in. I go to ballgames (SF Giants at SBC Park, of course), movies, read books, regularly check in on local news. Write a letter to the editor of your local paper. Get three-dimensional.
- Be generous. If you see someone in need, help them out. It won’t kill you to give a coupla bucks to a guy on the street who is obviously having a hard time. Trust your instincts: someone out in the cold on the street isn’t begging for the fun of it. Walt Whitman made a point of giving money to every beggar he met. Try it for a day. Just remember to look them in the eye, deal with them like a human being, and smile. You’ll likely be surprised at the response. Or, if you’re uncomfortable giving dough to a total stranger, donate some time to a good charity or non-prof group. I really believe the universe shines favorably on men who act generously toward others.
- Treat your body right. Get a great massage once a month. (Yeah, it’s cool to get one “with release,” but make sure it’s a great serious massage nonetheless!) Try to eat right and get some exercise. Set aside an hour or so two, three, four times a week. Go for a walk after dinner. If you’re not quite ready for a gym, get yourself to walk past the gym a few times a week. When you’re ready, go on in. Or if a gym doesn’t feel right, try something else. Be creative about engaging your body in your life (in addition to your dick, that is!) Instead of driving to the sex club or bathhouse, try walking. Watch what you eat. If you think you need to upgrade your diet to something more body-friendly (Pony and I recently cut back to only 2 hot dogs for lunch a week), don’t do it too abruptly; ease into a good change. Don’t make diet or exercise a punishment–for yourself or your friends. The human organism thrives on pleasure and rewards. Good food and physical activity are more than healthy, they’re part of the good life. Enjoy them!
- Find a great doctor. A good doctor is one of the best friends you’ll ever have. See him regularly. Get over the fear of dealing with physical problems–real or imaginary–and let your doctor take care of you. If you need health insurance, press your employer for it. Everyone should have reasonably priced health care; make it a priority for yourself and your buddies.
- Go to an STD clinic on a regular basis. The only thing worse than getting something like the clap is giving it to someone. Things like syphilis, the clap, crabs and so on are simple to take care of. But you have to know you have them. Nothing to be embarrassed or nervous about–just get in to the local clinic on a regular basis. I go every three to four months and have always actually had a pretty good time. The folks who work at STD clinics usually have the best sense of humor. When they give you a blood test, don’t hesitate to ask for a Flintstones or a Spongebob Squarepants Band-Aid. I do it all the time.
- Laugh. Humans need humor. It’s a basic physical and psychological need. Rent a Marx Brothers film or buy a season of South Park or Strangers With Candy. Go to a bookstore and buy a joke book and put it on your toilet. Laughter makes life work, and it’s right up there with sex in helping us not just get through a day but making it something wonderful and worth doing.
- Incorporate a sacred element into your life. Philosopher Gregory Bateson said that “The experiment of living without god has failed. We must believe in order to be.” Allow yourself at least an occasional contact with the sacred or the sublime, however you experience or define it. It may be a statue of Ganesh next to your bed, a copy of a sacred text that you leaf through on occasion, an annual pilgrimage to the Grand Canyon, a simple puja devoted to phallic worship, a monthly visit to a Buddhist shrine. Sitting quietly in a sacred space puts a man at ease and affords the opportunity to feel small, dependent and awed. And even a moment’s meditation on the grandeur of the cosmos makes for a richer and more meaningful existence. It’s only in love and worship that the burden of isolation is relieved and healed.